Uncertainty Serves A Mean in Building Relationships

It's amazing how we people, even without really knowing the strategies to reduce our uncertainty towards other people, constantly use strategies to lessen or reduce our uncertainty. Humans are curious beings and this curiousness of ours is what what i think drives us to know more about other humans and lessen the awkwardness or discomfort we feel when we have just recently met them.

Two weeks ago, I went to Quirino elementary school as part of our nstp. My initial feelings towards this experience were all clouded by the fact that I did not see the point in it. The idea is that we would go to the school and prepare a lesson plan and teach the students to prepare them for the national achievement test. I couldn't help, but wonder if we would really be of help to these students. Wouldn't our help be a little bit too late to be of any effect to the students? Wouldn't the teachers be more effective than us in helping the students learn? When I got to the place, I really had a feeling of discomfort in me. I kept my distance from the students because I had a lot of questions in my mind and at the same time I could not help, but have those stereotypical thoughts running in my head. The first activities we had were a few games just to break the ice. Still, I was very hesitant to interact with the students. I was constantly ranting to my girlfriend, who was also part of the nstp class. I was telling her how useless I thought the idea of teaching the students was. Being the caring person that she is, she left me with around five students. Because of this, I was some how forces to interact with them. I started by asking each one of them what their names were and then followed by questions about their personal lives. Most of them felt comfortable conversing with me, and I too, eventually stating feeling a good sense of friendship starting. Every time I would get an answer from the questions I ask, I would give information regarding myself in return. Putting the students aside, I observed the teachers that were around us. They seemed ashamed of the school because of the way the spoke about it. “Sorry na ganyan lang ang banyo ha.” “Nakakahiya naman ang school naming ang liit liit tapos ang sikip pa.” “Yung mga bata, sa umpisa lang mabait yan.” When I heard such words coming out from the mouth of a certain teacher, I felt that something was wrong. The teachers seemed “plastic” and probably just wanted to make a good impression. Quite honestly, the school wasn’t small. In fact, the school looked like a private school in a way and the bathrooms were not as filthy as she said it to me. The students were nice and really down to earth. The teacher seemed to protective of what we might see wrong. I don’t know for sure and I hate to doubt, but are these teachers really nice to the students? Do they care about these students? Are they abusive? Do they make sure these students learn? How do they act towards the students when there are no visitors? These questions are only a few that were lingering in my head.
I learned a good number of things from the students I was able to converse with. I was struck by some of the stories they shared. One boy told me that there were bullies from the same grade who would ask them for food and money and if they refused to give, they would be beaten up. I asked what the students how the teachers handle this kind of situation and I was terrified when they told me that the teachers would only warn them the first one or two times they do such thing. Warning the bullies would not make them afraid to do such things again. Such things become a habit of no ones takes action to stop it. Hearing this made me frown upon the teachers even more. It is their job to help shape these students into better ones. They should take bullying more seriously because having bullies in a school will hinder other students from having a sound learning environment. Students wouldn’t be encouraged to attend class if they would just be bullied time and time again. Another thing that struck me was how the attendance of the students is not taken seriously as well. It does not matter to the teacher whether the students attend class or not. How can you make use of the opportunity to learn if you only attend class when you feel like it? This really worried me and softened by heart towards the students. Now I feel like it is my responsibility to help them learn and to help them realize certain things about life.
I am still thinking it through, but I want about to be able to talk to the teachers regarding this problem before the year ends. I want to be able to make an impact in these children’s lives. I have been bullied back when I was in grade school, which is why know how it hinders a student from being able to learn in school. It makes you scared to go to school when you know a bully is waiting for you. This problem can be easily fixed if only the teachers take proper action. They can simply impose stricter rules about bullying or at least have counseling sessions once in a while. You do not need a student counselor to be able to do this, all you have to do is as the students how they are, who their friends are, who bullies who, and other things that would help the students.
Uncertainty reduction truly takes part in our every day lives. Just like in my case, as uncomfortable as I was in the beginning, I still went through the process of reducing my uncertainty towards the students by asking them questions about their lives, and I too by means of self-disclosure. Uncertainty reduction can certainly build a friendship between people and it can bring about a sense of sympathy towards others. Just as in my case, I started out with a great deal of uncertainty towards the students, but as I got to know the students more, I started feeling sympathy for the students and started caring for them. Interacting with others, no matter how short, can indeed lead to more intimate relationships, thus, again, bringing about the beauty of communication.

A Leader Brought About by Dissonance

            I have always been the type of person who follow my own set of beliefs and follow what I think is right. As stubborn as I may sound, that has just been the way I have been since I was a child. It’s probably because I am the first-born grandchild out of the sixteen in my mother’s side. We are a very tightly knit family. In fact, we spend so much time together that it’s as if we are all siblings. For this reason, being the eldest grandchild has been a very important role for me. Being a role model is not always easy, most especially when you have fifteen other people looking up to you. Also, as the eldest grandchild, I have always had the respect of the rest of the children. This has instilled in me a good sense of authority and leadership. I believe that this is one of them main reasons as to why I am not used to being contradicted or to be put frankly, I just hate it when I am forced to do something beyond my beliefs.

Ever since this sense if authority and leadership was built in me, I have always tried to avoid situations wherein I would need to follow other people and do things that I think are not right. The way I coped with this situation is simply put this way, “If you do not want to follow, be followed.” By this I mean, standing up when the call for it arises. Every time I feel that certain situations will either put me in a situation wherein I would have to listen to what others want, or have others listen to what I want, I grab the latter right at once. When I leader is needed, I step up and take responsibility for certain things. This way, I would not have to be forced into following what others want. This does not mean that I am not open to opinions because I am. Especially when I am the leader in whatever case it may be, I always make sure that opinions of others are heard and considered. I do this because I have experienced situations during my childhood wherein I remember being to shy to speak up or to give my own opinions. I’d would rather just keep quiet and take no part in the situation that have to overcome by shyness. I like being in command because this way, I would not have to just keep saying yes because I am afraid to go against authority and at the same time, I know that other people have amazing things to say but are just too shy to do so.

I was in awe when I first read the readings regarding cognitive dissonance, which was our lesson last week because the way I could relate truly caught my interest. I can relate to the fact that doing things inconsistent with my own beliefs causes stress or tension just like it was discussed in class. I was further intrigued when I was reading the part about dealing with these dissonances. Coping strategies are indeed put into use in order to avoid or lessen the stress caused by these dissonances.

An experience in my life that shows how I cope with not wanting to just say yes to others takes part in my sport, soccer. When I started out my first year in the Xavier Varsity team, I was almost what people would call a benchwarmer. I did not enjoy being a benchwarmer because every time I would enter the field people would shout at me telling me what to do even if I knew that I was doing the right thing. They just wanted to take advantage of the fact that I was new to the team. This experience of mine was something that aggravated my potential in soccer because I trained double time. Soon enough, my hard work paid off when I was assigned as the team captain. Being the team captain allowed me to do whatever i felt i had to do to help us win. It my call for me to take over the game, or to pass to a teammate, but what was important to me was that i would be doing things i believe are right. I would always put my heart out and play my best game because i had to be a good role model, which was something I enjoyed doing. The way I dealt with my situation as a benchwarmer shows that I really do not like doing things people tell me to do especially if I believe otherwise. My hard work paid of because  it brought out the best in me.

            This shows a good sense of the lesson we had regarding cognitive dissonance last week. According to our discussion in class, dissonance is the when things are inconsistent with your own beliefs and this can be seen in the experience I had when I was new to the soccer team. Dissonance can be seen here because being a benchwarmer meant that I would have to listen to what other people tell me to do even if I did not agree with what they were saying. This is only one situation wherein dissonance can be found, but dissonances can always be lessened by the use of the different coping strategies. Avoiding these dissonances would aid us one way or another, just as in my case, it has brought about a leader who is always ready to lead by example.

Kinesics and Proxemics is yet another Beauty

                With my notebook on top of my desk opened on the page of our lesson in communication class last week, i am overwhelmed with the information i am reading, not because the lesson is complicated or because it is too much, but mainly because i cannot decide on which topic to write about. I want to write about body language, the theory of cognitive dissonance also appeals to me, and i also want to share the things i have to say and share regarding proxemics and how space is used in communication. As confused as i am with what to write about as of the moment, i want to start off by showing the music video of Rihanna's song entitled california king bed. More than watching the video, i want you to listen and reflect on the lyrics of the song as you watch. Dont get too emotional about it :)))) because every time i listen to this song, it brings forth the soft side found inside me. hahaha!

         The song is just so nice to listen to isn't it? It's melody makes you relax and it sounds like a perfect song to make you pause and reflect about anything under the sun. It would be really nice to put yourself in the persona's shoes, but for me, doing so tightens my heart a little, just a little :))).  Also, the lyrics of the song allows the listener to sympathize and empathize to whatever situation it may bring to his or her thoughts. But more than the beauty of the song's melody and lyrics is how the song clearly shows the importance of body language it our lives. It shows that body language really has meaning to us humans, and that meaning depends on whatever goes through a person's head, or simply a meaning most people perceive it to be. With some isolated cases set aside, most body languages have a universal meaning, which means it is more or less the same for everyone.


"Chest to chest
Nose to nose
Palm to palm
We were always just that close
Wrist to wrist
Toe to toe"


      The lines above come from the song and i think that it has a universal meaning, and after hearing these words, i believe that it would bring about the same thoughts running on the minds of the different people listening to the song. It would allow the listener to infer that the song is probably about a couple very intimate with each other. If you try and think of two complete strangers being as close as chest to chest or nose to nose with each other, it would be weird because usually only people who are intimate enough get that close to each other. This kind of thought or idea of how it is that only people who are intimate, get that physically close to each other portrays how important the meaning of certain body languages are to us. It is important because these movements convey messages to people around us. If you are not aware of the meaning of body language then you would not be able to live a normal smooth flowing life. If someone is that naive about body language, imagine that person just blatantly kissing someone else walking on the street. How do you think the other person would react? Things like this are a far cry from happening on a normal basis because kinesics has been a part of our lives since the day we were born. We have been learning the different meanings of the different body languages we encounter on a daily basis since birth, and for this reason, we are aware that kissing a random stranger is insane!! 


"Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose
So, how come when I reach out my finger
It feels like more than distance between us"


     This part of the song shows how kinesics and proxemics connect in our lives. Kinesics being body language and the latter being the use of space in communication. In a typical intimate relationship just as a boyfriend and girlfriend would share, it is normal that they show their affection for each other by being physically close to each other just as the first part of the song depicts. Just as being physically close to each other would normally mean that a couple is happy, having space in between a couple on the other hand would mean that they are probably not in good terms. This shows the connection between kinesics and proxemics. Both body languages and spaces between/among people have certain meanings connected to them. We do not share the same roof as our neighbors because this is how we people deal with space when it comes to building houses. We like to keep some things private from others as to respect the distance we would like to keep from people we are not as comfortable with. 


      Another thing i would like to share is how body language is not always universal. It may mean different things depending on the culture or location of a person. Smiling at strangers for example is normal for most Filipinos. Some times, when we see people familiar to us outside or homes, we tend to smile at them even if we are not very sure if we know them or not. Doing such a thing like smiling in Germany would freak out the germans. They are not comfortable with people smiling at each other. In fact, they find it weird when someone smiles at them. Maybe this also shows that filipinos show much respect for anyone who passes their way and how nice it is that we filipinos are known for being very hospitable. 


      Weird as it may be for someone to smile at another, kinesics and proxemics is yet another aspect of life we can appreciate-- how people have been able to convey a message by simply smiling at another, by how a couple can show their affection towards each other by being chest to chest or nose to nose, or by filipinos are known to be respectful people. This is just another gift from God, and yet another reason to say that life no matter how complicated, is indeed, a beauty. 

The Perception of Theories

         Theories aren’t really something I enjoy learning or studying about probably because math made a bad impression of it to me. I’ve always hated math lessons that are based on a certain theory because its proofs never appeared to be crystal clear to me. Although I can dislike theories forever, I cannot deny the fact that they are part of my life in one-way or another. According to last week’s class discussion, theories are certain beliefs towards a phenomenon. We also discussed that the explanation towards these beliefs cannot just be a haphazard explanation but in Mr. Beiver’s words, explanations that have “justified and rationalized components.”       

         In my own point of view, a theory is a conclusion that can explain a particular event. It cannot simply be unsupported answers to questions like: why is the sky blue? or why does the heart pump blood. Research and testing must be done for the answers to be proved right and for the theories to be taken seriously. People usually confuse the definition of theory with the meaning of idea. An idea does not have to be or is not supported by anything other than one’s opinion. I always thought that I had my own theory about our lives, only in our discussion about theories did I realize that what I thought was a theory is a mere idea. Despite that, I believe that my idea will be proved to be a theory in the future. Let me share with you my very own idea about our lives, but let me make it clear, this is NOT a theory, it is just an idea.

         One night, I was wide-awake just lying down in my bed staring at the ceiling making friends with shadows on my wall(matchbox 20), when I came up with an idea about our lives. Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, life is just an illusion? We are probably just lying down in heaven dreaming about our lives as it flashes as abstract thoughts in our heads. Moments in our lives right now are passing us so quickly that by the time we want to grab it, it has gone to be part of the past. At this very moment my sister is singing a song, yes she can sing that song forever, but as the lyrics of the song come out of her mouth, that moment has past and I cannot go back to that moment and grab it. Life is just flashing in our heads as moments or like a slideshow that is being presented so fast that it feels like it is really happening and that we are really experiencing it, but really it’s all just a power point presentation being presented in our heads. Go try it now, try to grab that moment of life in front of you. Faster! Try doing it faster! See? Can you grab that moment? Surely you cannot. This is all because life is just an illusion; it is merely a something like a power point presentation or gifs being presented in our heads as we lay in heaven.

         This idea of mine is not a theory. Although it is something I always thought of as one. This is the common mistake of people and how they confuse the true meaning of a theory. This is the perfect example of that mistake and I in all honestly have been committing that mistake all my life.  For this idea to become a theory, it has to have justified and rationalized explanations. I cannot just claim this idea of mine as a theory because it has to pass certain elements in order to be considered one. Ideas must first have the ability to be able to be proved right, it must also have the ability to keep its truth despite other factors, and other elements to be able to be called a theory.  

         But everyone, please do not be discouraged with your ideas! It is not impossible to prove your ideas and have them called as theories. You just need perseverance and determination and who knows, you might probably be part of your children’s’ lessons in the future.